Going to spend my entire saturday night alone with pizza woot

lampsarepeopletoo:

me thinking about boys

(via iphone420)

allmymetaphors:

bleedsalldaylong:

full version, take one.

Hot sticky summers at the street festivle 

You said “I want to kill myself” under the shade of an old church, eating cotton candy to wash out the taste of smoke in our lungs. 

And you meant it.

The cracked sidewalk swirrled and I stood sideways and you meant it.

I said “sober up” but you were always so sober, silent, somber

and you didn’t look so sad anymore.

Just sideways and serious and brave.

So we bought bags of watermellon and left the rinds in shady grass

walked for hours while the band played one song

slow songs

banjo strings dancing, and we were dancing, and I tried to keep you awake.

Your wrists were sliced with lines like banjo strings and your thighs were speckled like watermellon seeds.

The sun was spinning 

people spinning

children laughed over lemonade and everyone was laughing but us.

Maybe they were laughing at us.

City buses sped by. I said “this city speeds like London” but you didn’t understand. 

“Hold my hand” 

and I was holding hands with death itself.

I was scared and oh god I was hurt.

Your mouth was closed and your eyes were empty like cicida shells sticking to our clothes in the fall.

I screamed “SPEAK” and the ferris wheele spun and when you finally broke the silence it was to say “I am not affraid” 

You said said “I want to fall from a bridge; I’m done with all this”

and we kissed

and we kissed

and we kissed

But I was kissing a corpse

and the sun was setting so fast

and nothing was safe

and I was much sadder than you.

There was a suicide note in your glovebox. It had been there for weeks in bloody blue ink

and me?

I didn’t have the words to stop you.

I didn’t have any words, any air

I was sober and sick to my stomach 

and you drove home as calm as the eye of a storm.

I didn’t have the words to stop you so I just said “I love you” over and over like a zombie

and you either didn’t hear me or didn’t care.

I was so scared.

You dropped me off weak at my empty house and I said

“Please stay with me” but you were already gone

you had been gone for so long

and that night for the first time I currled up on the shower floor and wondered: who was dying more?

I kept crying to your voicemail and no one else would answer

should I call 911?

Should I throw on clothes and walk through the mudy city maze to your house?

I would show up like a ghost, crying and blood-stained

but you were bloody

and you were lost to me

I already knew what I was going to wear to your funeral and I was deathly calm

there was nothing to be done. 

Give me the words to say “I love  you” 

I still love you.

That night was the worst of my life.

Contrast. We break fast.

We fall fast.

You had a gun to your holy temple and I was only onr girl, helpless.

Hopeless.

You carved lines into your wrists and carved scars into the minds of those who knew you.

Las words, last breath, last blink.

You said “this is my last day alive” and you tried to die but you failed.

Thank god for failure.

OH MY GOODNESS a full length song of one of my poems this is so lovely and incredible and real!!! Wow you did such a great job with it! Everyone listen to this song!!!

(via guise-of-gentle-words)